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Monday, May 3, 2010

my sweet little Matthew

Saturday would have been the 7th birthday of my first born son Matthew. He passed away 7 years ago this July. Looking back on that day, I remember how it was both beautiful and terrifying at the same time. It's hard to describe the mixed emotions I felt that day. I was frightened and excited at the same time. Would he survive the birth? Would he survive the first few hours, days, maybe even weeks? We were told he might not survive the pregnancy at all, and there I was on the operating table about to bring him into the world. Those days in the hospital were horrific. Sometimes it seems like it was yesterday and other times it seems so far away. Sometimes it seems like a nightmare. I look at the pictures of Matthew lying there in the NICU bed, on the ventilator, and I cannot believe we went through all of that. I miss him. I often wonder what he would have looked like, what he would have been interested in, how he would have interacted with the world around him. Happy Birthday Matthew darling. You are forever in my heart.

1 comment:

  1. Oh, so sorry to hear of your experience - I have known too many families just this last year that have shared it in some shape. Hope your heart continues to heal.